Trentonians like a good party and, although I am not a native Trentonian, I don’t need a good excuse to join in the fun, especially during the winter holiday season which begins with my birthday! (I like to sneak that announcement into any article or essay that I write in December).
How convenient for me then that winter holiday company gatherings are scheduled for December, allowing me to extend the birthday vibes throughout the entire month. (I’d also like to believe that city Christmas tree lightings from Rockefeller Center in New York City to City Hall right here in Trenton are performed especially for me).
I’ve attended the annual Christmas party at nearly every job I’ve had throughout my career. Not surprising, really. I’m that “creative” employee you hear about (there’s at least one in every company) who makes the rounds of each department until everyone has signed birthday and retirement cards. Natural showrunner that I am, I once smuggled a coworker’s fiance into our department to surprise his bride-to-be with our customized, choreographed rendition of the ’60s classic, “The Shoop Shoop Song”, which you may know as “It’s in His Kiss”).
As a tribute to the incredible volunteer radio broadcasters I managed, I produced a “red carpet” awards ceremony with a behind-the-scenes video of our recording studio operations, dramatic readings, and cabaret-style vocals performed by the volunteers themselves. Thanks to our expert Sound Engineer and many helpful coworkers, a typical municipal cafeteria by day was magically transformed into a cozy afterhours neighborhood boite.
Years before, the fluctuating economy of the early 2000s and the Recession to follow brought changes in Human Resources department policies that had put an end to the annual Christmas bonus and the largess of lavish holiday parties of previous decades. Corporate budgets were slashed to the bone. Employees who had depended on an annual bonus to catch up on overdue bills continue to feel the financial loss to this day. (Even those like me who were young interns and temps in the 1980s and ’90s remember receiving a free turkey or a bottle of hard cider from management, and a catered lunch spread during the holiday season. One famous international bank I temped for even showed free movies in the auditorium at lunchtime for all employees!)
Many companies responded to the national financial downturn with bottom-line changes that abandoned holiday gatherings all together. A New York City company I worked for even eliminated the massive Christmas tree surrounded by brightly wrapped boxes at its base (its presence worthy of a Broadway stage!) that greeted us in the lobby every December.
Thankfully, over time, this Grinch-like hold on company holiday expression has relaxed to some degree, to the relief of its employees. I received a post recently that indicates that employee attendance at holiday gatherings is up in the United States. Even as a retiree I say “Yah!”
This is good news for fun-lovers like me, but what about the coworker who chooses to opt out of the festivities? Although I look forward to the opportunity to interact with coworkers away from staff meetings and deadlines, I respect the right of any employee to forgo any activity that is not mandatory or part of their job description. After all, aside from remote workers, full time employees spend more time with their coworkers than with their own families. Drawing a firm line between work and personal time is understandable, however, being cordial and courteous can go a long way toward maintaining a harmonious work environment. And there is a middle ground between being the office BFF who spends most of his morning gossiping at your cubicle, and the stoic lone wolf who hides at his corner desk until quitting time.
Practice setting polite social boundaries with your coworkers until even the most persistent enthusiast knows when to give you your space and lets you alone without taking your response personally. If a coworker has a habit of not taking part in office celebrations, it may be that they simply have a more serious personality. It may have nothing to do with you. Resist the temptation to try to “jolly them out of it”. Remember the late Dr. Maya Angelou’s motto: “when someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time”. Respect everyone’s personal space.
If you do decide to attend the party, think of it as a light, social evening that is in your control. You may be attending alone: many companies ask that you leave your “plus one” at home (for budgetary reasons).
Just be yourself but remember that even when an event is held off site, you are still technically “at work”. Wear something that’s neither too businesslike nor too casual. You’re not being observed as part of your quarterly job evaluation, but you’re not going to a speed dating session either. Decide if a suit would be too formal for this particular party, but, on the other hand, leave the revealing necklines and hip-hugging skirts at home until your next Saturday night at the club. (You know what I mean).
Human Resources will prohibit alcoholic beverages, but I can still hear my late Aunt Edie’s voice echoing from my childhood: “when you set a drink down, don’t pick it up again. Always get a fresh one. You never know when some wisenheimer may try to spike it.” Aunt Edie’s advice to “always eat light” before going out is just as good for office parties as it is for weddings. It lets you graze lightly throughout the evening rather than stuffing yourself with shrimp and meatballs when no one is looking because you haven’t eaten since noon.
Avoid talking shop (unless your boss wants to discuss a promotion, you lucky kid!) Stick to safe topics like that trip your coworker took to Belize or his daughter’s graduation or bat mitzvah. Keep the conversation interesting but light. This works particularly well when speaking with a retiree whom you haven’t seen in a while. It’s always fun to catch up.
And don’t try to be the company comic. This could backfire. Big time. You may have packed the house at Carmine’s Comedy Crib off Exit 9 in Paramus, but you are not Eddie Murphy. Or Leslie Jones. Or Joy Behar. Or Steve Harvey. Trust me on this.
The music, while perhaps not to your taste, will attempt to appeal to a wide range of tastes. Unless the company could afford a top deejay. Just remember that this is not the time or place to challenge the project manager to a dance competition. Enjoy yourself but leave the old school Soul Train line gravity defying flips and splits at home with your cracked CD discs. (You’re at work, get it?)
Give yourself a chance to mingle and chat with people who don’t work in your office. Whenever I realized I’d been hanging out exclusively with my own work buddies, I’d excuse myself for a few minutes to say hello to a few unfamiliar faces. Be prepared for the unexpected. though.
At a party held at our downtown site one holiday season, I ended up sitting across from an employee who’d been transferred here from abroad. Having had a pleasant experience working with him previously, I looked forward to getting to know him better. Our light discussion over cake and coffee seemed to be going quite well until-abruptly, without a word-he got up from the table and wandered away, never to return. In spite of that brief moment of rude international intrigue, the rest of my evening was quite fun.
The success of the holiday party and luncheons I’ve attended were attributed to the talent, experience, and commitment of the party planners. They put a lot of thought and time into the event, often on a threadbare budget. The tasteful gag gifts, wacky door prizes, and thoughtful ice breakers over the familiar spread of penne pasta, meatballs. and salad supported the goal of achieving a comfortable “we’re one big family” theme.
I empathized with the challenges they faced. One year when I was in their shoes, I asked everyone to bring in a childhood photo for us to try to match them to their adult counterparts. This icebreaker was fun and went over pretty well.
For off-site luncheons, planners asked that we pre-order our entrees as part of a full-course meal with salad and dessert and a generous tip. Our meticulous planners handled the headache of collecting deposits from forgetful coworkers, making the reservation, and meticulously keeping track of everything on an Excel spreadsheet. Kudos to the party planners! Appreciate them while they’re there. When they retire or move on to other jobs, few if any will be waiting in the wings to take their place.
More than an afterwork open bar gathering at Katmandu (I have yet to find a pair of warm dress shoes; do they exist?), my favorite Christmas gathering was organized by a professional group I belonged to that was affiliated with my department. Over a delicious catered lunch, we sorted and arranged toys we’d bought for local children from names on a mitten tree (I love those trees; don’t you?) We arrived at the downtown site by carpool right from work on our lunch hour. It was a fun, relaxing opportunity to catch up with colleagues, make new friends and, yes, network if we wanted to.
So, if you’re on the fence about attending the office party this year, give it a try. Make an appearance and stay for, say, a half hour. You’ll be fine. And if at some point in the evening you begin to feel uncomfortable or just can’t smile politely for one more minute, thank the planners, say goodnight to your coworkers, and call an UBER or LYFT. Make a nice cup of tea (or cocoa in your old Snoopy mug) when you get home and slip into your fuzzy slippers to enjoy 1989’s “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, co-starring my late acting teacher, William Hickey, as Uncle Louis. (Now you knew I’d have to give him a shout out this time of year, didn’t you?) Put your feet up, call your best friend, and unpack the play-by-play of your experience at the office Christmas party. He’s all ears. He’s been waiting up for your call, and he wants details! Now it’s time to dish, Girl!
Happy holidays everyone!
Karen Carson
Contributing writer, Trenton Daily
